“I’m so sorry for not being there for you when you needed someone the most. I followed the crowd, one that consistently avoided affiliating with those who had a sheltered demeanor, like you. You had your guard up and I couldn’t understand why, so I just decided to stay away.” These thoughts will stick with me forever, making me want to travel back in time and redo everything.
Standing against the wall, headphones in, her gaze away from the crowd of people, stood my former friend. It’d been a while since I talked to her and I couldn’t help but wonder how she was doing. Here I was, sitting at a lunch table surrounded by people I didn’t care to interact with but only sat near so as not to look like a loner. There was a distant connection of not belonging that her and I shared. It was suddenly that graduation crept up on us and we were apart yet again. Not until we reconnected on social media did I finally begin to understand that even though we both hated the school environment, we had completely different reasons as to why.
Abuse, neglect, and instability...things I never had to deal with, but everything she had to endure. I obviously won’t go into details because that’s her personal information. However, I can say that I had a completely opposite upbringing full of positive role models and I’m so grateful for that. After hearing all of what she had to go through, I couldn’t help but feel like a terrible human. How could I leave her to suffer alone with wounds that she couldn’t heal on her own? She needed somebody in high school to talk to, to vent to about any and everything, a shoulder to cry on. Why did I just sit there and not walk up to her during lunch? Was it because the whole room was packed? Was I suffering from the “bystander effect” by letting the many pairs of eyes around me keep me from doing what I knew to be right?
If I could go back, I would’ve embraced the idea that the whole school did see the two of us and I could’ve rekindled my friendship then by approaching her. I wasn’t embarrassed that she was viewed as an outcast, so was I, I was just better at disguising this fact by sitting near lots of people. I was a follower in high school. An individual who became complacent with blending into the crowd and not being authentic. I’m not sure if I was afraid of how she’d react if I had said “hello,” if she’d think it was strange considering that we hadn’t really talked in a long time.
Knowing what I know now about the different “Influencer Types” that MindSage has introduced me to, a follower being one of them, I wish that I would’ve had this lesson then. I know it would’ve made me more aware of the idea that you can’t let others get in between doing what’s right versus social status. What’s even worse, I had no popularity to “risk!” I just chose to follow instead of lead. You shouldn’t start resembling those who don’t care to be there for others. You have to stand out and be the one to make someone’s day. To my dear friend, “I can’t turn back time, but if I could, I’d do it all over the right way and be by your side.”
-Zoe Palmer, MindSage Intern
