“What would you like to order?” Yeah, never thought those words would be spoken from my mouth.
The neon “Open” sign was there to greet me every morning I pulled up to the cafe, welcoming me in as the dread in my stomach was trying to keep me from ever leaving the car. I get it, work isn’t always the greatest part in anyone’s day. However, the feeling I would get each time I arrived was something I knew wasn’t supposed to be there and never left me until that sign’s light was switched off. The black apron snugged in around my nervous stomach, preparing me for another day of unexpected mistakes bound to occur. Fill the left side with straws, middle portion with my waitress receipts, and the right with extra pens. To keep the anxiety to a minimum, I started straightening up everything under the counter that was already in an organized state just to draw my attention away from the inevitable sound.
“Thud!” The door gently slams behind the first customer of the day and I’m initiated. I just want the menus to remain as tidy as they can because I know once they’re messy, that can only mean one thing…we’re being swamped with customers. I tell them the special written in bright chalk pen, fill up the porcelain coffee cup, and extend that small window for decision-making out some more just to prep myself for anything that could happen. “I’d like a Big Breakfast.” Visualize the menu…okay, so now what do I ask him? How do they want their eggs cooked, what kinds of potatoes, then toast. Oh man, we have like six different kinds so I must remember to tell him all the options. It only takes one individual to be a catalyst for the storm going on in my mind.
It’s currently the weekend, the busiest time of the whole week, and not soon after that first customer has left are the menus sideways at this point. That constant thud of the door is driving me mad, my heart starting to beat faster now, and it’s like no sooner do I try to focus on just seating someone that “Zoe” is shouted out the window with orders that need delivering. The chaos of all this multitasking is stressing me out beyond my comfort zone and this shift seems to last forever.
Empty out my apron, put the handful of pens back under the register, and just breathe deeply for a few moments. I did that most days of the week for a couple months before I notified my boss that college was starting back up for the year and I’d be leaving. I’ve always had the preconceived notion that waitressing was something I could never do. I’ve always been a quiet kid who hates having all eyes on her and is afraid of messing up. To this day I still feel self-conscious about my experience as a waitress, about having to put myself out there and hope that I don’t screw up. Well, there wasn’t one day that went by where I didn’t make mistakes or wasn’t in front of lots of people.
Thanks to this week’s MindSage lesson on “Breaking Limiting Beliefs”, I can look back at all of those instances where I felt complete embarrassment and not beat myself up about it. I’ve learned that my past failures and uncomfortable moments don’t automatically make me terrible at something. I would come home after every shift criticizing the order that didn’t go as smoothly as anticipated or the times I had to say “I don’t know” to a certain question proposed to me. Never forget that life is a learning experience and all of the little bumps along the way are perfect moments to reflect and think about ways to improve. Getting something wrong is an action that doesn’t define who you are. Don’t allow the challenges to dictate your confidence and self-worth. If anything, embrace those circumstances where your plans didn’t go accordingly, yet you still handled them just fine. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be saying “What would you like to order?” again at some point in my life.
-Zoe Palmer, MindSage Intern
